Soft light pours out an open window of a tree house. Inside, Sven and Dansk sit around a small rudimentary card table made from a Magnavox cardboard box. They're kicking around a game of Sheath-Fuck. Sven shuffles the cards and deals them out.
"He said he's bringing his grandma's cocaine."
Dansk's eyes widened. "You mean, like the drug?"
Sven rolled his eyes, "No, like sugar caine. Duh."
"So we get to try some!?"
"Sheath-Fuck!"
"I'm not fucking the sheath." Dansk is serious, "So are we going to try some?"
"What, are you crazy?"
Dansk thinks about it; he remembers how cool Cole Kane looks with his leather, chains and guitar. "Why not? It's not like we're going to die from it."
"Yeah, but... Come on, man. Shit's crazy." They are silent for a bit, and then Sven remembers, "You just want to do it because of Cole Kane."
Dansk looks at him like crazy, "Psch, whatever. I don't even know him that well."
"He kept you from getting raped by that fat guy. Sheath-Fuck!"
"He wasn't going to rape me."
"Whatever," Sven speculates, "The story said he handled you like a ragdoll, like a helpless boy about to be molested."
Dansk yells, "Sheath-Fuck!"
"I don't know why we even play this game if you aren't going to fuck the sheath."
"Nobody ever fucks the sheath. It's just something funny to yell out. Why do you always take everything so literally? I mean, we don't even have a sheath."
"The sheath is the box for the cards."
There is some rustling below, and then a voice, "Hey, let down the ladder!"
"Here's your cocaine."
Dansk pushes the rope ladder over the edge. Shortly thereafter, Fuckle appears at the entrance with a black cane.
Sven looks at the cane, "What's that?"
"It's the cane I told you about."
"You didn't tell me about a cane."
"Yes I did. My grandma's coal cane."
Dansk looks at Sven, "Coal cane?"
"Ooooh." Sven nods in emberrassment, "I thought you said cocaine."
Fuckle laughs, "What? My grandma's cocaine! Ha ha! I wouldn't be surprised. I'm so glad that bitch is dead."
Sven nods, "Me, too."
Dansk stands up; he looks angry. "So what the fuck are we supposed to do with this cane?"
Fuckle is apprehensive of Dansk's hostility, "It's for my pimp costume, bitch. I suppose you'll be going as a fairy for Holloween?"
"What kind of a cane is made out of coal anyway?" Dansk grabs the cane, "Let me see that."
Fuckle grabs it, "Dont!" But Dansk won't let go of the other end, "Let go! You're going to break it!"
But when Dansk yanked the cane back, it cracked it two.
"FUCK!" Fuckle's yell was the last thing all of them heard.
The cane cracked loud, very loud; a snap as loud as an explosion, and then silence. A ball of dark matter hovered between the two ends of the cane. It seems the boys have opened a portal of some sort.
But Dansk couldn't think, he couldn't move. Neither could Fuckle. But they both saw that Sven was missing. The cards scattered over the makeshift table began to sift and vibrate, floating in mid air; they made their way to the dark matter, slipping into it like nobody's business. Like some high flutin' carpetbaggers, they just up and escaped this mess without even leaving a note or blowing a kiss.
How rude, thought Dansk. And then, for some reason, Dansk could hear what Fuckle was thinking, We're about to get clusterfucked.
How do you know? Dansk was curious.
Total Fucking Silence.
But Fuckle was right, because soon three black orbs emerged from within the dark matter and surrounded the boys. Then those three split into sixes, and the sixes into twelves and so on until they were surrounded by a cluster of small black dots, littering the air like fragments of coal.
Dansk thought the worse was about to come when the matter started to converge back towards the dark matter, but instead they both felt a strong jolt that pulled them towards the center, a crack from the cane and then silence. The orb was gone, and the cane was one again. In the place where it was cracked was a new tier of coal, making the cane about one inch longer than it was before.
Fuckle and Dansk were still holding the cane in utter shock. Dansk let go of the cane slowly, and Fuckle set it down on the ground. They looked over at the table; Sven was still missing, along with the cards. The sheath was the only thing left on the table.
"Maybe," Dansk said in a raspy voice, "he's back in bed."
"You fucking idiot!" Fuckle yells at Dansk, "I told you not to touch it!"
"Like I knew that was going to happen! I mean what the fuck was that?"
"I..." Fucke shakes his head, "I don't know man." Seriously, "We have to find Sven. Where the hell did he go? Fuck!"
Dansk looks out the window, "Wait a second..." He approaches the ledge and looks down; he doesn't see the ground. He looks out; he doesn't see anything. Nothing. He begins to wimper, "Shit, dude."
Fuckle observes, too. It seems that the treehouse is suspended in a void. There is no tree, and there is no seeable ground or other forestry. No stars. No moon.
"I think Sven's probably wondering where we are..."
~
In fact, on the other side, everything was in order, aside from Dansk having broken Fuckle's Grandma's cole cane.
"Jack ass! I was going to fucking use that!"
But even here, things were about to go terribly awry. As Fuckle could not channel his anger in the abscence of physical force, he started after Dansk - he pushed him. And since Dansk was close to the edge, he fell out the tree house, falling in such a way that assured the breaking of his neck. He died instantly.
~
But Dansk was alive back on the other side. And after fifty years of deliberation, the two boys decided to leap into the unknown. Fuckle grabbed the coal cane before they jumped. They held hands as they fell, but at some point, they were torn apart, separated. Dansk didn't know where his friend had gone, but before he was able to worry, he saw that he was approaching a warm, red light.
